"Priest"

Runtime:1 hr. 27 min.

Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action, disturbing images and brief strong language

Cast: Paul Bettany, Karl Urban, Cam Gigandet, Maggie Q, Lily Collins

Director: Scott Stewart

So I'm sitting there during the end credits of "Priest," as I do at all screenings, and began making mental notes of the character names.  It came as little surprise that the brooding main character would be listed only as Priest, as melancholic heroes in these types of graphic novel adaptations are often imbued with commonplace monikers.  I also understood why Karl Urban's villainous vampire would be listed only as Black Hat, even though it seems the main reason his character sported such headgear in the first place was so the movie would have some identifier for him in the end credits.  And I nodded with acceptance as Maggie Q's character name scrolled up the screen listed as Priestess, although I'm starting to chuckle at this point.

Then it gets to three small but important roles in the movie... a trio of clergymen who participated in the supposed eradication of vampires and have now been dispatched to hunt down the hero.  They were listed as Bold Priest, Brave Priest, and Courageous Priest.  I shudder to think how long it took to cast those roles.  That's seriously the best they could do to distinguish between those characters?

Yeah, I know... stop nitpicking.  I'm not trying to be mean.  I genuinely do want to find something good in every film I see.  And let's give absurd movies their due... as much fun as it was to dissect the ludicrous chase details in "Fast Five," at least that film kept me engaged enough to pick up on its gleeful silliness.  Trying to drum up self-interest in "Priest," on the other hand, is like sitting in a restaurant, starving, and trying to summon the attention of a waiter intent on ignoring you.

The above credit reference is not a big hurdle to overcome when evaluating a film, but it does draw attention toward my problem with the movie... it's not a very solid effort.  "Priest" is the kind of film that wants you to think more imagination has gone into it than actually has.  The premise is too derivative to be inspired, the story is flat, the characters are uninteresting, the action scenes are rushed, indistinct, and haphazardly put together.  Very little has been brought to the table.

Oh, wait... I kind of take that back.  The movie boasts yet another post-apocalyptic world of sorts, although this time mankind has been virtually wiped out due to the unremitting war between humans and vampires.  The look of the film isn't bad, but that's minor consolation when there is so little to care about.  The one action sequence that does resonate is at the end, as the heroes attempt to derail a vampire-filled train headed for civilization.  It's a competent chase that is unfortunately a little too reminiscent of the kind of action George Miller did a lot better decades ago in the "Mad Max" series.

Who knows, maybe the graphic novel series by Min-Woo Hyung upon which the film is based offers something infinitely more interesting.  I have not read it, and have no plans to.  I've stated before I'm nowhere near an aficionado of such material.  I'll cop to that, but I won't apologize for it.  Bottom line... a filmmaker needs to at least make an attempt to connect with the audience, even if some members (gasp!) may not be familiar with the source material.  It feels here like no effort was put into igniting viewer interest.  The movie seems to die up on the screen.

The plot, such as it is, involves a warrior Priest (Paul Bettany) who has broken a vow to not engage in combat upon learning vampires attacked his family.  This enrages Monsignor Orelas (Christopher Plummer) who sends out a group of pugilistic clergy to hunt him down.  Priest reconnects with a fellow spiritual warrior (Maggie Q) and an outpost sheriff (Cam Gigandet) to rescue Priest's plucky niece, Lucy (Lily Collins) from the clutches of Black Hat (Karl Urban).

I know there is a graphic novel fan base somewhere I'm offending with these words, but I just didn't connect with anything here.  Paul Bettany continues to be a fascinating actor, but seems to have the Nicolas Cage affliction of choosing the occasional silly script.  The cast does what it can to elevate subpar material, but to little avail.  It's not a hateful movie, just flat.  Added to which, it has one of those Dear-God-could-there-be-a-sequel-here open endings.  Here's a smidgen of subjective, highly-opinionated advice for the filmmakers... take a moment before you decide to embark on a sequel.

Pray on it.

* 1/2  out of  * * * *  stars