Rated PG-13 for intense prolonged sequences of sci-fi action violence, mayhem and destruction, and for language, some sexuality and innuendo
Cast: Shia LaBeouf, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson, John Turturro, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, John Malkovich, Frances McDormand
Director: Michael Bay
I find it interesting that in the blogosphere you can read article after article about how unforgivably pretentious director Terrence Malick was in his approach to "The Tree of Life." How he only makes movies for himself; not with the audience in mind. Pretentious, pretentious, pretentious. And yet I notice that FAR fewer writers take director Michael Bay to task for the same offense. This is done, I think, because many reviewers mistakenly marry one's capacity for pretentiousness to one's intellect. Here's a Merriam Webster litmus test for you... if you think Terrence Malick is pretentious but Michael Bay is not, then it might be time to crack open that dictionary.
Oh, there's action. Gobs of it. Unlike the best action movies, however, that demonstrate a patience in their pacing and a progression to the climax, "Transformers" takes its cue from a case of Montezuma's revenge. The action comes in a non-stop, steady diarrheic flow... refusing to allow us to catch our breath or get our bearings. That's a problem; we need those bearings. They're what fuels our interest in the events taking place. Otherwise, it's just an ostentatious special effects show, which may or may not be your thing.
The story again centers around Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) who, despite helping save the world from annihilation twice now, can't seem to find employment. (This global recession is a beast.) He has interviews lined up and a new girlfriend named Carly cheering him on. (In the production's highly-publicized fifth wheel replacement, Megan Fox has been tossed aside to make room for Rosie Huntington-Whiteley.) Sam will be thrust back into hero mode again, as a mysterious piece of an alien wreckage is discovered, which in turn leads to the unveiling of several magic pillars that awaken an army of Decepticons from their hibernation inside the core of the moon itself. Only by humans working alongside the benevolent Autobots can peace be restored.
The movie's attempt at rewriting history to be woven into the fabric of its backstory left me with an unpleasant taste. In this case, we're told that Apollo 11 was nothing more than a cover up to locate a downed alien spacecraft on the off-chance that it could have been launched by the Russians. I don't always mind approaches like this; "X-Men: First Class" did something similar with the Cuban Missile Crisis to equally goofy effect, yet I accepted it in that case because I felt the movie was at least making an attempt to capture the fear and paranoia of the time. The approach here has a smug, too-cool-for-school feel to it. The screenplay by Ehren Kruger (who brings to the art, nuance, and depth of screenwriting what the Kardashians bring to... whoever) thinks it's a lot wittier than it is.
I give Shia LaBeouf a lot of credit here. He tries his best to convey some semblance of genuine emotion in a film that doesn't come within light years of deserving it. Lennox (Josh Duhamel), Epps (Tyrese Gibson), and the smart but smarmy Simmons (John Turturro) are brought back into the mix. Frances McDormand as a top-level government head, John Malkovich as Sam's new employer, and Patrick Dempsey as Carly's shifty new boss are all welcome additions, yet are tossed into the background later in the story to make room for more thunderous effects we don't care about.
Look, if this is your kind of movie, my hat is off to you. To each his own. Personally, I just don't see the appeal. At the end of the screening, seconds after the credits began, the projector malfunctioned, went dark, the house lights came up, and that was it. Normally, nothing incenses me greater than faulty movie theatre equipment. In this case, though, I sided with the projector.
* 1/2 out of * * * * stars
